Before I start this review, I should give a little background info for those who don’t know about my so-much-better-than-your children. I have two daughters who I call Thing One and Thing Two (the doctor was confused until I pointed out that there are still kids named “Neveah”) who are both teenagers. Today is Thing Two’s fourteenth birthday, so I thought I would give her the best gift of all: a blog post. I’m sure she’ll love it in lieu of silly, material gifts.
For those who are still looking for a gift for that teen girl on your list, you are in luck! I searched Amazon (all hail the overlord!) for “teen girl gifts”. I found some great products you and your teen are sure to love. Keep in mind that every one of these gifts came from my search for “teen girl gifts”.
1. Pink Walkie-Talkies!
Considering that most of my kids’ friends had smart phones in the second grade (wish I was kidding), I figure that they might not need a set of these. Sure, I was cruel and made my kids wait until their teens for phones (to be fair, I waited until my thirties), though my eldest teen did not see the need to carry hers to a week long camp. Why when someone else always has one you can borrow?
I’ll tell you what most teens probably don’t have though, and that’s a bubble-gum pink walkie-talkie. Get these and your sophisticated teens will be fighting over them like they do that cool hipster record player in your basement.
2. Lunch box!
What holds a lunch and conjures up thoughts of the misery of school? A lunch box, of course! Now this is a nice, useful gift for a teen, and what teen doesn’t appreciate that? You can store lunch in it, or your lost dreams of childhood. Perfect as an addition to socks and underwear! Nothing says party like “Lunch box / cooler”. Just be careful of those sneaky teens who might put caffeine beverages in their so-called water bottles.
3. A Facts of Life PSA Book!
In case you were still wondering if anyone in their right mind would give this to their kid, especially as a birthday present, here’s an honest-to-goodness review on Amazon.
I purchased this for my great nephew for his 15th birthday. I hope that he has read it. I glanced through it and it seemed to be very fitting for a young teen.
I’m sorry, Great Aunt May, but young Spider-Man didn’t read the book. He already knows through word of mouth and nose that bodies do lots of stinky and embarrassing things, and that the best inspiration comes from bathroom walls. I’m guessing his feelings were something appreciative like “What? No walkie-talkies? Lame!”
For girls, you could add in a box of tampons to make the gift complete. Great assurance if you never want them to visit you.
4. A Girl’s Guide to Manhood!
Once again, this book did come in my search for “best gifts for teenage girls” as you can see in the fine print above. Now, don’t get me wrong, I think it is a good idea for teen girls to learn how to cook steak, change a tire, and impress a girl, but “manual to manhood”? Why is it manhood? In the first two pages of my search results, I did not find anything that would really work (and be entertaining) for both genders. I’m not saying all girls should play trucks and all boys should love Barbie, but sometimes they both play video games, watch super-hero movies, text on phones, and annoy their parents.
So maybe make this an actually useful manual for all teens, and besides changing a tire and cooking make it include wild stuff like balancing a budget and not sending naked pictures of themselves. Since many adults and the federal government can’t do it, it’ll be a stretch. But it’d still be more useful than inspirational quotes and body issues.
5. Cool Gift for the 14 year old going on 8!
I’m really sad that I did not get this for my Thing Two on time. She would have loved it so much. It’s got all her favorites, purple and pink, an embarrassed unicorn, and the number 14. I know all teens like to emblazon their ages on their wardrobes. I think if they were going to have a number on their shirts, “21” would be a good one. No need for ID, the unicorn says it all, officer!
Thanks anyway, Amazon, but none of these gifts seem quite right for my brand-new 14-year-old. I did find something that would be on the top of her gift list, and probably that of lots of other teens, for certain, though.
6. Best Gift Ever!
That’s right, a life-size Captain America, as played by Chris Evans. Captain America is a great role model for anyone. He’s strong, he’s brave, he’s noble, he has a friend named “Bucky”. Also he’s hot. Now teens (or others appreciative of patriotism) can have him all the time, and stop stalking Chris Evans. A win-win for all.
Happy shopping, and Happy Birthday to you, my fabulous Thing Two.
~ your mom, Alice